The best secrets of love are well hidden and out of reach, right? Well, it doesn’t have to be that way anymore.  If love to you is a mysterious feeling like a turbid sea where one may feel lost, swept-away without reference points, or simply illogical and random, then we’ve got good news for you.

We have unraveled this mystery and given sense to this great emotion. In the recent years, social scientists, as well as therapists who have specialized in emotionally focused therapy (EFT), have made an incredible breakthrough.

Now, 21st century holds more promise than ever, as we have a clear understanding that maps out this passion that has had poets script its mystery and baffled lovers throughout human history.

Here are some insights:

1. We are born with a deep desire to connect with each other

Humans are born social beings and it’s a fact that we can’t replace or run away from. Appreciating the desire to connect is the first step towards giving a breath of life to love, which is a foundation of a healthy relationship. Besides, this is a right step towards emotional maturity and strength, and not a sign of weakness.

So freely respond to this inner need to connect and busk in the warmth and safety of loving without shame or fear

2. Emotional hurt, mixture of anger, and above all fear constrain love

The fear of a partner abandoning or rejecting you are deep emotions that you need to deal with and never sweep them under the carpet. Surprisingly, these hurts are registered and interpreted in same parts of the brain as physical hurts. How then should you deal with emotional hurt as they can’t be pushed aside or simply neglected? Well, honestly face these feelings, each time critically examining the nature of the emotional hurt you are facing. Thereafter let your partner know how you feel.

So do not push hurts aside thinking that they will just go away. Take time and let your partner know what you are going through.

3. Reaching out is the best investment you will ever make in love relationship

Emotional maturity and strength are with those willing to extend a hand and reach for others. The essence of love is to thrive and grow from strength to strength with those who matter to us. Love is basically the best survival strategy of all times. The desire to be loved and love is inborn, and when you find love, all else fall into perspective. Indifference to love based on the need to achieve self-sufficiently is a true reflection of loneliness. Always let strive to connect with people.

So defying the urge of self-sufficiency and reaching out for love is the best choice you will ever make.

4. Relationship has a chance even with different partners
Women aren’t from Venus and men aren’t from Mars, but even if it was so the difference in our character can be a strength in a love relationship. However, emotional disconnection and conflict will strangle love even from the once so romantic relationship.

So after a disagreement, sort out the issues that cause you to fight. Mend the cracks and cement your relationship.

5. There is no love that is perfect

Perfect love is a far-fetched dream that only exists in scripts and movies. What matters most in a relationship is the emotional presence and not perfection. We stand to lose more when we think highly of ourselves more than our partners, and we fault we feel like a total disappointment.

So, it’s totally fine to admit your shortcomings. Always communicate and be transparent to your partner.

6. Important fights are not about kids, sex, or money.

Our fights are but a reflection of the emotional distance, an outward symptom of the emotional loneliness we are experiencing. In a disguised form, your partner is saying, Where are you?’ Do I really matter to you?’ You will be surprised how emotional distance can sparks conflict and we end up fighting over issues that we would otherwise solve with a lot of ease if we were emotionally connected.

So, look beneath the surface whenever you find that you are fighting with your partner. Work towards sorting out issues that are making you feel as though you are emotionally separated.

7. Inner conflicts can suffocate love

In love, we have two ways that we express our emotional disconnect. We either get mad, try to move in and knock down the other partner’s wall or breed indifference by building an emotional wall for self-protection. Which of the two are you?

So, listen to the true inner longings and reach out to your partner.

8. A relationship based on romantic love is a true foundation of happy life

Cuddle and hold your lover and you will be surprised how it can cure your insecurities as well as stress as this turn off your stress hormones. A loving relationship is an antidote to a healthy relationship.

So, cuddle as much as possible as it is the best remedy to love.

9. Ignite passion that lasts in a relationship

Infatuation or deep desire is simply the beginning of love. Once you have established the strong desire, you go ahead and build a bond that is like a symphony. Such a connection creates lovely, intimate and connected sexual experience. Subsequently, sex becomes a safe adventure.

So, when your sex life dips or loses passion, do not keep up. But talk about it. Getting intimate without passion is like trying to land 747 without the help of a control tower. It is a disaster in waiting.

10. Establishing a two way and open conversation is a healthy way to build your relationship

The most important moments in love is when two partners engage in open and healthy conversation. This might not be easy but require courage. The results of such conversations are magical and would certainly cement your relationship even more.

So listen to your emotions and deeply examine your love. Establish that meaningful conversation, always listening to your partner. Remind your partner how special they are and you want to risk and tell them how you feel and what you want from them. Keep it honest and simple.

When you have an elaborate blueprint for love then definitely you can build it. EFT has examined that seven out of ten couples get to restore their relationship. Love doesn’t have to be mysterious anymore.

I am a relationship therapist in Vancouver specialized in helping people navigate through difficulties in their relationships, gain new insights, and find real solutions to old problems.  To BOOK your FREE consultation call or text me at 604.809.5848, or reach me by email at [email protected]